Video game movies

With the release of the new Sonic trailer and how many awful things are going on in it, I got to thinking: why the fuck is this even a thing? How is it that time and time again movie executives come to the conclusion that these worthless movies need to be made?

Obviously, it’s money, I have no doubt in my mind that the movie industry is looking over at the money video games are making and they want a piece of that so badly they’re willing to throw anything out there to get it.

How do I know it’s out of touch executives? By looking at the dates that these movies come out. The OGs probably remember Mortal Kombat (1995 ‘97), Super Mario Bros (1993), and Street Fighter (1994). These movies suffered from the old way things were done: capitalize on what’s hot. Take whatever is popular and make a movie about it, throw a bunch of stars in and call it a day.

What the problem is in more modern times is now everything is late as hell and undercooked as far as the content of the movie is concerned. Look at Prince of Persia in 2010. Forgotten Sands came out in 2010 and no one played that game, the title before that is the remake in 2008 another poorly received game. The height of PoP hype was five to seven years previous depending on the game and that is too little too late even for Jake Gyllenhaal’s talented ass.

“Chayton that’s just one movie that isn’t indicative of a trend-”

Assassin’s Creed came out in 2016, do you know what game came out that year? Syndicate, and the one before that? Unity, the one before that? Fucking Rogue. You literally could not have made your Assassin’s Creed movie at a worse time, that movie was due in 2010 at the latest.

Want another? They practically all apply

World of Warcraft is one of those games that is constantly being played and has been for over a decade now. That said, don’t you think it’s heyday and hype have long since passed/died down. Another franchise they failed to capitalize on in any sort of timely manner.

Need for Speed…? Yeah maybe if this was 2006 when Carbon came out and people actually played that game but in 2014? Who was that movie for??

Max Payne in 2008? Without Bruce Willis are you fucking kidding me? Even 4 years before Max Payne 3 and I still would’ve thrown a wig on that mf and made it work better than the strange take on the hard-boiled action noir featuring Marky Markinson. Not to mention it’s five whole years after Max Payne 2 when no one had even thought about Max and his struggle in at least that amount of time.

I’m not saying these movies need to follow a successful title but what I am saying is that they need to do what the old movies did and capitalize on what is going well when it’s going well. At the very least they can approach the established properties with respect and some kind of creative vision. It can adopt a specific game’s narrative or tell its own story but it has to do better than what the status quo has given us thus far.

For the record: I love the way Jim Carey looks at the end of the trailer. Why couldn’t Sonic have such a dedicated consistency to the original works the way we now know Eggman is going to eventually have?


Rockstar post RDR2 11/17/19

Okay, Red Dead Redemption 2 is out and blowing the saloon doors off nearly everyone’s britches. Are we enjoying the game? Put it down cause you can’t get into it? Regardless of how you feel, what we can do is take part in the speculation as to what exactly the powerhouse developer will do next.

GTA 6 barely has more than a concept as far as the public knows, nevermind the fact that 5 is literally the last title they worked on. Yet still, I hear a lot of talk and even hope that GTA 6 is the next thing to come out but I personally can’t see the reason behind that besides you know literal butt-tons of money. I would think it’s just a bit much considering how long the last title’s life cycle was and how many other IPs they have that would be great on the current gen. We got the big boy out of the way, now let’s move on to some other gems.

There are leaks and rumors that Bully 2 is in the works which are exciting to consider especially because it would be a strong divergence from games like Red Dead and GTA and a nice bit of service for longtime fans (I personally still need to play the original). Rumblings of college and given the sim nature of RDR2 I can see it being tedious but I could also see it being quite fun the way Persona 5 (for those that played it) did it. Half student sim, half conventional Rockstar debauchery; can anyone find something to not like? I’m struggling as well.

Max Payne 4 is the game I hope comes out before too long. I’m still patiently waiting for PSnow to add MP3 to finally kill the nagging subconscious desire I have to play that game again. From Brazil to Hoboken I had a blast with that title and I really want to be able to go back. More so, I really want to see Rockstar let their nuts hang on this title and RDR2 shows just what they can do when prepared to take on the current generation from the ground up. I’m practically salivating at the thought of the set pieces we’d get to shoot up in slow motion.

PS: Rockstar, bring back Manhunt, I fucking dare you!

Thots on RDR2 coming soon